Boat Boys
Dad's Dock
1–2 (0.333) · 14 RF / 13 RA · RD 1
FHTV SCOUTING: power SMOLDERING · glove MAGNETIC · soul HOLLOW
One summer, a group of dads collectively built one boat. They have called each other 'Captain' ever since. None of them agree on who the real captain is. This has never been resolved and is not expected to be. They joined Hellball because the boat deserved a second chapter. Nobody on the team knows how Hellball works. All of them have opinions. Dad's Dock is in a desert. It experiences unexplained tidal surges. Maritime weather advisories are regularly issued for inland districts during home games. The league stopped investigating after season 3. The surges continue.
“PLAY THAT FUCKING TRACK - LIMP BIZKIIIIT”
- Maritime advisories regularly issued for inland districts on home-game days.
- League investigators officially stopped explaining the tidal surges four seasons ago.
- Multiple captains. Disputes about who is captain are resolved on the field. Not always symbolically.
- The boat was built in one summer. It holds together. The team treats this as proof of something.
- No Boat Boy has ever agreed on what makes someone a captain. This is considered a team value.
- The fans know things about this stadium that the stadium authority won't confirm.
- Someone always brings a cursed snack. It does involve Nutella.
- The bullpen catcher is widely considered a federal observer.
- If the tide rises mid-game, fans remove their shoes. Just in case.
- Rival sections yell: “They play like they owe Erik money.”
| Name | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA | Vibe | Item |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Stan (Also Captain) | 14 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .142 | knot-untying | a paper-towel captain's hat |
| “The Void Closer” · claims to have predicted last season's collapse · Hosted a podcast nobody can locate. | |||||||
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 12 | 4 | 1 | 2 | .333 | grilling-adjacent | a paper-towel captain's hat |
| “The Missing Inning” · stares into the away bullpen between pitches. Just stares. · Claims their bat is on a payment plan. | |||||||
| Earl (Disputed Captain) | 13 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .153 | knot-untying | a paper-towel captain's hat |
| “Spider-Eyed Honestly” · will not eat concessions on game day · Petitioned the league to recognize a tenth uhoh. Petition pending. | |||||||
| Steve (Also Captain) | 12 | 3 | 0 | 2 | .250 | knot-untying | binoculars (broken) |
| “The Sacrifice” · insists on batting during weather advisories · Reportedly owns three (3) different Hell Kale futures contracts. | |||||||
| Hank (The Real Captain) hot 3 BLESSED | 13 | 6 | 1 | 2 | .461 | grilling-adjacent | a foghorn |
| “Dark Footage” · leaves a seat open in the dugout. Nobody asks. · Once traded a signed jersey for directions. Would not say to where. | |||||||
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 13 | 3 | 1 | 2 | .230 | loud about lawns | a single oar |
| “Interference Call” · salutes the scoreboard whether or not it is on · Sold sponsorship space on their batting helmet to an entity. | |||||||
| Chuck (Co-Captain) | 10 | 4 | 0 | 4 | .400 | dad-coded | a flare he won't waste |
| “Foul Territory” · cannot pitch after hearing static · Reported missing during a rain delay. Returned with groceries. | |||||||
| Hank (Allegedly Captain) hot 3 | 12 | 3 | 0 | 0 | .250 | dad-coded | binoculars (broken) |
| “The Interlude” · stretches for thirty-six minutes exactly · Claims their bat is on a payment plan. | |||||||
| Earl (Captain Emeritus) | 7 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .142 | loud about lawns | a foghorn |
| “Signal Fade” · has never once looked at the third-base coach · Was the third person to ever boo the moon. | |||||||