Outback Knives

The Steakhouse

8–4 (0.667) · 111 RF / 101 RA · RD 10

FHTV SCOUTING: power SCORCHING · glove SHAKY · soul HUMMING

Tall lady ghosts. Each one carries a comically large steak knife. Not malicious — just very tall, very incorporeal, and extremely armed. They float over second base. The league ruled this legal in season 2 and has not revisited it. Betting against the Knives is considered spiritually irresponsible in several districts. Winning in silence is the team philosophy. Nobody asked them to explain it. Steak knives appear unattributed in the visiting dugout twice per season, exactly.

“EVERYONE SAW THAT.”

• Betting against the Knives is considered spiritually irresponsible in several districts.
• Nobody knows where the knives come from. The team does not discuss the knives.
• The Knives have the best road record of any team. They are not happy about this.
• Cameras have been banned from second base.
• A significant percentage believe at least one player on the roster does not technically exist.
• Late arrivals sit in the north end until the home team scores. Then they may rejoin.
• The third-base line was moved eleven years ago. Nobody from the league will confirm this. Several fans have photographic evidence.
• A specific child has to wave first. His name is Charles.
• Rival sections yell: “They play like they're doing the league a favor.”