Level 42

The Hellevator

5–7 (0.417) · 89 RF / 118 RA · RD -29

FHTV SCOUTING: power WARM · glove STEADY · soul TRANSCENDENT

Souls trapped on Floor 42 of an infinite descending elevator. Nobody remembers boarding. Nobody knows what floor they started on. The doors open for two things: Hellball, and nothing else. The anthem of Something About You has been playing on a loop out of the elevator speakers for so long that it is no longer clear if it is the correct anthem. At this point it's the only thing holding them together. Their statistics contain mathematically disputed events. Analysts who review Level 42 game footage too closely report auditory anomalies and are quietly reassigned. Some fans believe Level 42 games continue after the broadcast ends. Nobody from the team has denied this.

“GURL SONG. GURL SONG. GURL SONG.”

• Several Level 42 statistics remain mathematically contested.
• Analysts who experience auditory hallucinations after reviewing Level 42 data are quietly reassigned.
• Some fans believe Level 42 games continue after the broadcast ends. No comment from the team.
• The elevator does not reach any floor other than 42. This has not been verified externally.
• Level 42 players have never been photographed outside The Hellevator.
• Concession choices are considered a form of self-expression here.
• Standing ovations begin precisely from row 12.
• Golden Chain owns the naming rights to the air inside the stadium. Nobody can prove this isn't true.
• Nobody sits during a tied eighth.
• Rival sections yell: “At some point they were fine. That point is no longer accessible.”