Boat Boys 4 — 14 The Bobs
BROADCAST DETAILS
AURELIA “Boats at Bobs. My model says— actually, my model resigned this afternoon. We proceed on vibes, under protest.”
HEX “Somebody in this lineup hits a wall tonight. Possibly a literal one.”
AURELIA “Steve (Also Captain) is the one to model tonight. Street name “The Sacrifice”. Pre-plate ritual: Public-access infomercial theme.”
HEX “Word around the league: beloved by the kind of fan who brings a radio to the stadium.”
HEX ““NO ONE IS WATCHING. (EVERYONE IS WATCHING.)” rises from the Bobs section. I heard it before they said it. I always do. It's exhausting.”
AURELIA “The books agree.”
HEX “I read the Boats section on the way in. Findings: The home crowd is known for unreasonable but consistent loyalty. Make of that what they will.”
HEX “3 all through 3. I've seen how this breaks. I keep seeing it. Look at them — transcendent — they almost see it.”
AURELIA “Bobs by 12–4 through 6. The books settled this an hour ago. Everything since has been paperwork.”
HEX “The crowd was transcendent before. The shift you're feeling is real. It has a name. I'm not saying it on air.”
AURELIA “Final: Boats 4, Bobs 14. Soul of the game: Small Bob-3000, 6-for-9. Books are settling. Some of you are rich. Statistically, most of you are not.”
HEX “I said watch Steve (Also Captain). I don't say things twice. Except that. I said that twice.”
AURELIA “Books closed. Bets settled. Records archived. Goodnight.”
HEX “The parking lot situation is now your problem. I saw it. Goodnight.”
Boats 1 0 2 0 1 0 0 0 0 R 4
Bobs 0 0 3 1 0 8 0 2 X R 14
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Forgotten Gym Bag Janice | 9 | 5 | 0 | 3 | .555 |
| Hank (The Real Captain) | 5 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .400 |
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 6 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .166 |
| Earl (Disputed Captain) | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .250 |
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .1000 |
| Chuck (Co-Captain) | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Steve (Also Captain) | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Stan (Also Captain) | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Small Bob-3000 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 5 | .666 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob | 5 | 4 | 0 | 3 | .800 |
| Exhausted Bob With A Knife | 6 | 3 | 1 | 3 | .500 |
| Tall Bob Bob | 6 | 3 | 1 | 1 | .500 |
| Greater Bob Bob | 5 | 2 | 1 | 1 | .400 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife | 6 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .166 |
| Reformed Bobstradamus | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Hungover Bob-3000 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hereditary Bobina | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Boats @ Bobs (The Bob Pit) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Forgotten Gym Bag Janice fouls one off, mutters something nautical. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── A quiet inning. The Bobs of section 12 mutiny against the rest of section 12. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Forgotten Gym Bag Janice hits one to the gap. A different Captain explains how he would have hit it harder. Hank (The Real Captain) (grilling-adjacent) hits one to right. The Boat Boys begin a story about a boat. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Bob's Cousin Bob launches one. A Bob in the upper deck stands up and concedes the entire war, briefly. Small Bob-3000 hits a sharp grounder. The ceasefire holds, barely. Greater Bob Bob fouls one off and points at another Bob. Reasons unclear. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Forgotten Gym Bag Janice (Captain) takes a thoughtful swing. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Exhausted Bob With A Knife hits it deep and gone. A Bob in the stands declares the war over. Another Bob disagrees loudly. Bob's Cousin Bob hits one off the wall. The Bobs cheer, then immediately regroup against the cheering Bob. Small Bob-3000 slaps a hit while another Bob loudly disagrees with the call. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Hank (The Real Captain) (Captain) takes a thoughtful swing. Roy (Captain Emeritus) singles. Two other Captains compare grills. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Tall Bob Bob pokes a hit. The clipboard-Bobs make a note. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── The scoreboard flickers. Exhausted Bob With A Knife (uneasy ceasefire) CRACKS one over the centerfield wall. Several Bobs immediately try to enlist Exhausted Bob With A Knife. Small Bob-3000 hits a sharp grounder. The ceasefire holds, barely. Tall Bob Bob (muttering) slaps a hit while another Bob loudly disagrees with the call. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Tall Bob Bob slaps a hit while another Bob loudly disagrees with the call. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Earl (Disputed Captain) hits one to right. The Boat Boys begin a story about a boat. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Something is wrong with the air. Bob's Cousin Bob steps in. Three Bobs in the on-deck circle accuse each other of treason. Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife (muttering) lashes one down the line. Other Bobs claim partial credit. Bobs (home): 2 runs, 2 hits ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. FINAL: Boats 4 — Bobs 14