Earl (Disputed Captain) hot 4

Listed on every unofficial scorecard as “Spider-Eyed Honestly.” Standing assessment, unchanged three reviews running: the reason section 12 stands during the fourth.

The walkup is “Thirty seconds of a dial-up modem reaching something.” We asked why, once. The following behavior is documented: will not eat concessions on game day.

Appendix, filed without comment: “Petitioned the league to recognize a tenth uhoh. Petition pending.”