Suspiciously Damp Carl

Known to the stands as “The Broadcast Blip.” The subject has stopped correcting anyone. League consensus: emotionally exhausting to watch.

Approaches the plate to: “Highterion Collection theme, slowed dangerously.” The following behavior is documented: stares into the away bullpen between pitches. Just stares.

Appendix, filed without comment: “Still banned from two Garden of Evil locations.”