Single Earbud Dennis

Goes by “The Sacrifice Jr.” We have three theories about why and endorse none of them. Ask any usher — trusted by exactly one usher, deeply.

The walkup is “The organist improvising through visible fear.” We asked why, once. The following behavior is documented: reads the lineup card out loud, twice.

Appendix, filed without comment: “Suspended once for a sponsorship that did not exist.”