Birthday Card Linda

Listed on every unofficial scorecard as “The Third Out.” Standing assessment, unchanged three reviews running: deeply unpopular with bookmakers.

Walkup: “The Hellball theme, but every note is early.” The organist was not consulted. The following behavior is documented: only slides headfirst.

The following could not be confirmed or, worryingly, denied: “Caught crying at a Future Hell Comedy taping. Refuses to confirm.”