Boat Boys 2 — 11 Level 42
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VESPER “Okay. Okay okay okay. Boats, Lvl42, The Hellevator, tonight. I've had four coffees and one premonition. Let's go.”
RIOT “...i got chills. ANYWAY. PLAY BALL.”
RIOT “CHAOS MONSOON. OVER THE FIELD. RIGHT NOW. this is the best job in the world.”
VESPER “This is why we can't have a normal sport.”
RIOT “WATCH STEVE (ALSO CAPTAIN). THEY CALL THEM “The Sacrifice” AND THE NICKNAME IS EARNED.”
RIOT “THE BOATS SECTION IS CHANTING “STAY. STAY. STAY” AND HONESTLY? SAME.”
VESPER “Noted and beloved.”
VESPER “Scouting report on the Boats faithful, by the way: The fans know things about this stadium that the stadium authority won't confirm.”
SAINT STATIC “i called that pitch. the pitcher heard me. you all heard me.”
VESPER “The booth is a sacred space, sweetheart. ...fine. Stay.”
VESPER “Through 3: Lvl42 up 2–0. Not a blowout, not a nail-biter — the forgotten middle child of scorelines. Crowd: chanting incorrectly.”
RIOT “Both teams are out of patience.”
SAINT STATIC “…forgotten — — — singles. singles. forgotten gym bag kevin is not certain forgotten gym bag kevin kevin is here here…”
RIOT “STATIC. BUDDY. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.”
RIOT “LVL42 4. BOATS 0. THAT'S NOT A SCORE THAT'S A CRIME SCENE.”
VESPER “Last time I checked in, this crowd was chanting incorrectly. They've progressed. I'm not sure toward what.”
VESPER “Final score Boats 2, Lvl42 11. Soul of the game: Suspiciously Damp Carl, 3-for-6. I laughed, I cried, I signed two waivers.”
VESPER “That's Hellball for tonight. Goodnight Future Hell~ ♡ Sleep with one ear open.”
RIOT “WORTH IT. GOODNIGHT.”
SAINT STATIC “they said goodnight. i am what happens after goodnight.”
- 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Wet Umbrella Dennis can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 2.8).
- 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Wayne (Disputed Captain) can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 5.8).
- ✨ BLESSING: Wayne (Disputed Captain) gains 1 POWER (now 3.6).
- 🙃 UPSIDE DOWN RAIN: Earl (Captain Emeritus) — POWER (1.5) and GLOVE (7.4) swapped.
Boats 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 R 2
Lvl42 0 1 1 2 0 0 1 6 X R 11
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Empty Manila Folder Boris | 9 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .222 |
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .500 |
| Earl (Captain Emeritus) | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .250 |
| Chuck (Co-Captain) | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Stan (Also Captain) | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Steve (Also Captain) | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hank (Allegedly Captain) | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hank (The Real Captain) | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Suspiciously Damp Carl | 6 | 3 | 0 | 2 | .500 |
| Forgotten Gym Bag Janice | 8 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| Birthday Card Margaret | 5 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .400 |
| Forgotten Gym Bag Kevin | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .500 |
| Wet Umbrella Dennis | 5 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .200 |
| Suspiciously Damp Phil | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Tepid Soup Karen | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Coffee Cup Margaret | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Earl (Disputed Captain) | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Boats @ Lvl42 (The Hellevator) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Quiet inning. The floor display ticks: 42, 42, 42. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── Scoreless. The doors briefly hint at opening, then think better of it. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Quiet inning. The floor display ticks: 42, 42, 42. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Suspiciously Damp Phil (between-floors) swings during the chorus. The bat connects. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Hellevator. The hum continues. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Birthday Card Margaret swings on a 3-2 count. The chorus arrives, exquisitely. Suspiciously Damp Carl swings on a 3-2 count. The chorus arrives, exquisitely. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Hellevator. The hum continues. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Forgotten Gym Bag Kevin singles. Forgotten Gym Bag Kevin is not certain Forgotten Gym Bag Kevin is here. Wet Umbrella Dennis pokes a hit. The slight smell of warm laundry intensifies. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Roy (Captain Emeritus) (grilling-adjacent) hits one to the gap. A different Captain explains how he would have hit it harder. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Scoreless. The doors briefly hint at opening, then think better of it. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Quiet inning. The floor display ticks: 42, 42, 42. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Scoreless. The doors briefly hint at opening, then think better of it. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Empty Manila Folder Boris (Captain) takes a thoughtful swing. Roy (Captain Emeritus) (grilling-adjacent) works a hit, then yells something about thermostats. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Forgotten Gym Bag Janice singles. The mirrored ceiling reveals nothing useful. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Empty Manila Folder Boris singles, looking up, briefly noticing a cloud. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Several balls go missing and reappear. Birthday Card Margaret drives one to deep left while humming. Suspiciously Damp Carl (elevator-trance) sends a base hit between the mirrored panels. ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Earl (Captain Emeritus) (Captain) takes a thoughtful swing. FINAL: Boats 2 — Lvl42 11 WEATHER: Chaos Monsoon 🌀 CHAOS MONSOON: three fronts collide — 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Wet Umbrella Dennis can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 2.8). 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Wayne (Disputed Captain) can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 5.8). ✨ BLESSING: Wayne (Disputed Captain) gains 1 POWER (now 3.6). 🙃 UPSIDE DOWN RAIN: Earl (Captain Emeritus) — POWER (1.5) and GLOVE (7.4) swapped.