Beryl the Unsmiling

File opened under “The Pinch Haunter Honestly.” A legal name exists. It is not used. League consensus: credited with the only silent home run on record.

Walkup audio, as logged: “Applause from a game that hasn't happened yet.” Observed: has begun training a different sport in the off-season. Won't say which.

Appendix, filed without comment: “Claims Saint Static calls pitches.”