RELAY · GAME 018
Boat Boys 8 — 13 Outback Knives
BROADCAST DETAILS
RIOT “BOATS AT KNIVES AND THE AIR TASTES LIKE PENNIES. that's baseball weather, baby.”
AURELIA “Volume's up, judgment's down. So: standard first-pitch conditions.”
RIOT “WATCH BERYL THE UNSMILING. THEY CALL THEM “The Pinch Haunter Honestly” AND THE NICKNAME IS EARNED.”
AURELIA “Word around the league: credited with the only silent home run on record.”
▲ 1ST
Wayne (Disputed Captain) drives one. A different Captain says something about marine batteries.
▼ 1ST
Hilda the Reach drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers.
▲ 2ND
Hank (Allegedly Captain) swings, makes contact, and immediately criticizes his own follow-through.
▼ 2ND
Mavis the Towering hovers, then strikes a base hit through the 5-6 hole.
Mavis Edgewise drives one. The catcher politely notes she could not see Mavis Edgewise swing.
▲ 3RD
Earl (Disputed Captain) hits one to right. The Boat Boys begin a story about a boat.
AURELIA ““BOAT BOYS NEVER DROWN” — that's the Boats crowd, 3rd uhoh. The chant-to-runs correlation remains unproven. They keep chanting. I keep noting it.”
AURELIA “Demographic note on the Knives section: Supporters believe the outcome was already decided, but disagree about by whom. This is considered normal here.”
▼ 3RD
Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed.
▲ 4TH
A scoreless inning. The bloomin' onion smell intensifies for no reason.
▼ 4TH
Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed.
▲ 5TH
Hank (Allegedly Captain) hammers a base hit while several dads adjust their hats.
▼ 5TH
Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed.
▲ 6TH
Hank (Allegedly Captain) swings, makes contact, and immediately criticizes his own follow-through.
AURELIA “Level at 3 through 5. Ties this deep move money in strange directions. Crowd is slurmcore possessed. The books are pretending not to watch.”
RIOT “Nobody in this stadium is okay.”
RIOT “DID EVERYONE SEE THAT? THE CROWD WAVE BECAME HOSTILE. NO? JUST ME? fine.”
▼ 6TH
Hilda the Reach (incorporeal) is here. Then she's there. Then she's hit a single.
Beryl the Unsmiling (looming) makes contact. The ball seems hesitant.
Knives (home): 1 run, 2 hits
▲ 7TH
The umpire shudders.
Stan (Also Captain) singles. Two other Captains compare grills.
Hank (Allegedly Captain) works a hit. A discussion of knot-tying breaks out at first base.
▼ 7TH
Hilda Edgewise hits one so hard the steakhouse smells momentarily of burning.
Beryl the Unsmiling singles. The Steakhouse smells more strongly.
Mavis the Towering slices one down the line.
▲ 8TH
Wayne (Disputed Captain) fouls one off, mutters something nautical.
▼ 8TH
Three up, three down at The Steakhouse. The Knives go quietly. Somewhere a knife clatters.
▲ 9TH
Chuck (Co-Captain) drives one. A different Captain says something about marine batteries.
Steve (Also Captain) singles. The flare goes off, accidentally.
▼ 9TH
Constance of the Veil takes a long, ghostly swing and singles.
Hilda Edgewise slices one down the line.
AURELIA “Level at 6 through 9. Ties this deep move money in strange directions. Crowd is slurmcore possessed. The books are pretending not to watch.”
RIOT “Several spectators appear caught in the static.”
▲ 10TH
extra innings: top of the 10th
Hank (Allegedly Captain) (dad-coded) bats. Several Captains stand at the rail and grimace knowingly.
Wayne (Disputed Captain) singles. Two other Captains compare grills.
▼ 10TH
Mavis Edgewise drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers.
▲ 11TH
extra innings: top of the 11th
Chuck (Co-Captain) drives one. A different Captain says something about marine batteries.
▼ 11TH
Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed.
▲ 12TH
extra innings: top of the 12th
Steve (Also Captain) pokes a single. A long anecdote about a fishing trip begins on second.
▼ 12TH
Hilda Edgewise drives one. The catcher politely notes she could not see Hilda Edgewise swing.
▲ 13TH
extra innings: top of the 13th
A scoreless inning. The bloomin' onion smell intensifies for no reason.
▼ 13TH
Something is wrong with the air.
Hilda the Reach (incorporeal) sends one out. The neon sign reading 'STEAKS' sputters meaningfully.
Hilda the Unsmiling (incorporeal) sails a hit through the infield without disturbing a single peanut shell.
Phyllis Looms slices one down the line.
FINAL: Boats 8 — Knives 13
AURELIA “Knives close it out, 13–8. Soul of the game: Hank (Allegedly Captain), 5-for-10. The closing line was... close. I'll take it. I'll take anything at this point.”
AURELIA “Books closed. Bets settled. Records archived. Goodnight.”
RIOT “GOODNIGHT. I MEAN IT. GO.”
LINESCORE · FRAME-BY-FRAME
Boats 1 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 1 2 0 0 0 R 8
Knives 1 2 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 2 0 0 5 R 13
Boat Boys
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hank (Allegedly Captain) | 10 | 5 | 0 | 3 | .500 |
| Chuck (Co-Captain) | 6 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Steve (Also Captain) | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .500 |
| Stan (Also Captain) | 7 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .142 |
| Earl (Disputed Captain) | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .200 |
| Earl (Captain Emeritus) | 7 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hereditary Bobina | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
Outback Knives
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hilda Edgewise | 10 | 4 | 0 | 1 | .400 |
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 8 | 4 | 0 | 3 | .500 |
| Hilda the Reach | 8 | 4 | 1 | 3 | .500 |
| Mavis Edgewise | 8 | 3 | 0 | 3 | .375 |
| Hilda the Unsmiling | 6 | 3 | 1 | 3 | .500 |
| Mavis the Towering | 7 | 2 | 1 | 1 | .285 |
| Constance of the Veil | 6 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Beryl the Unsmiling | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .500 |
| Phyllis Looms | 8 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .125 |
| Florence Drift | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
INNING LOG · FULL RECORD
--- Boats @ Knives (The Steakhouse) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) drives one. A different Captain says something about marine batteries. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── Hilda the Reach drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Hank (Allegedly Captain) swings, makes contact, and immediately criticizes his own follow-through. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Mavis the Towering hovers, then strikes a base hit through the 5-6 hole. Mavis Edgewise drives one. The catcher politely notes she could not see Mavis Edgewise swing. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Earl (Disputed Captain) hits one to right. The Boat Boys begin a story about a boat. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── A scoreless inning. The bloomin' onion smell intensifies for no reason. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Hank (Allegedly Captain) hammers a base hit while several dads adjust their hats. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Hank (Allegedly Captain) swings, makes contact, and immediately criticizes his own follow-through. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Hilda the Reach (incorporeal) is here. Then she's there. Then she's hit a single. Beryl the Unsmiling (looming) makes contact. The ball seems hesitant. Knives (home): 1 run, 2 hits ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── The umpire shudders. Stan (Also Captain) singles. Two other Captains compare grills. Hank (Allegedly Captain) works a hit. A discussion of knot-tying breaks out at first base. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Hilda Edgewise hits one so hard the steakhouse smells momentarily of burning. Beryl the Unsmiling singles. The Steakhouse smells more strongly. Mavis the Towering slices one down the line. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) fouls one off, mutters something nautical. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Steakhouse. The Knives go quietly. Somewhere a knife clatters. ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Chuck (Co-Captain) drives one. A different Captain says something about marine batteries. Steve (Also Captain) singles. The flare goes off, accidentally. ─── bot of the 9th ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil takes a long, ghostly swing and singles. Hilda Edgewise slices one down the line. ─── top of the 10th ───────────────────────── extra innings: top of the 10th Hank (Allegedly Captain) (dad-coded) bats. Several Captains stand at the rail and grimace knowingly. Wayne (Disputed Captain) singles. Two other Captains compare grills. ─── bot of the 10th ───────────────────────── Mavis Edgewise drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers. ─── top of the 11th ───────────────────────── extra innings: top of the 11th Chuck (Co-Captain) drives one. A different Captain says something about marine batteries. ─── bot of the 11th ───────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── top of the 12th ───────────────────────── extra innings: top of the 12th Steve (Also Captain) pokes a single. A long anecdote about a fishing trip begins on second. ─── bot of the 12th ───────────────────────── Hilda Edgewise drives one. The catcher politely notes she could not see Hilda Edgewise swing. ─── top of the 13th ───────────────────────── extra innings: top of the 13th A scoreless inning. The bloomin' onion smell intensifies for no reason. ─── bot of the 13th ───────────────────────── Something is wrong with the air. Hilda the Reach (incorporeal) sends one out. The neon sign reading 'STEAKS' sputters meaningfully. Hilda the Unsmiling (incorporeal) sails a hit through the infield without disturbing a single peanut shell. Phyllis Looms slices one down the line. FINAL: Boats 8 — Knives 13