Outback Knives 3 — 5 The Bobs
BROADCAST DETAILS
RIOT “IT'S KNIVES VERSUS BOBS AND I'VE BEEN STANDING SINCE NOON. MY LEGS ARE FINE. STOP ASKING.”
HEX “Somebody in this lineup hits a wall tonight. Possibly a literal one.”
RIOT “I DON'T BELIEVE IN OMENS.”
HEX “They know. They find it charming.”
RIOT “FEATURED SOUL: HILDA THE UNSMILING. “Backup Plan of Future Hell”. that walkup changed me. A single sustained note from beneath the stadium.”
HEX “Word around the league: believed cursed by older fans.”
HEX “The chant tonight is “NO ONE IS WATCHING. (EVERYONE IS WATCHING.)”. Third uhoh of my dream had that exact chant. We're on script, everyone.”
RIOT “ha. HA.”
RIOT “LOOK AT THE KNIVES SECTION. JUST LOOK. The average attendee owns three jerseys. One is wrong.”
HEX “One run in it, Bobs ahead. The 4th uhoh smells like a hinge. Things turn on hinges.”
RIOT “Home dugout is acting like the game is theirs. It isn't, yet.”
HEX “Bobs lead 4–1 through 6. I knew at breakfast. The crowd is slurmcore possessed — they're starting to know too.”
RIOT “Visitors are doing the slow-clap thing. Nobody likes the slow clap.”
HEX “Final score 3–5. Bobs prevail. Soul of the game: Hungover Bob-3000, 3-for-5. The cards knew. The cards always know. The cards are insufferable.”
RIOT “I TOLD YOU TO WATCH HILDA THE UNSMILING. I TOLD EVERYONE.”
RIOT “NOBODY LEAVES UNTIL I DO. ...okay i'm leaving. GOODNIGHT.”
HEX “Until the next vision. Goodnight.”
Knives 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 2 R 3
Bobs 0 1 0 0 2 1 0 1 X R 5
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mavis the Towering | 9 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .222 |
| Phyllis Looms | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Florence Drift | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Hilda the Unsmiling | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Beryl the Unsmiling | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Mavis Edgewise | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hilda the Reach | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hilda Edgewise | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hungover Bob-3000 | 5 | 3 | 0 | 2 | .600 |
| Exhausted Bob With A Knife | 4 | 2 | 2 | 1 | .500 |
| Small Bob-3000 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Tall Bob Bob | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Greater Bob Bob | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .1000 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob | 6 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hereditary Bobina | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Reformed Bobstradamus | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Knives @ Bobs (The Bob Pit) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms swings through the bat and still hits the ball. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── A quiet inning. The Bobs of section 12 mutiny against the rest of section 12. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Small Bob-3000 lashes one down the line. Other Bobs claim partial credit. Bobs (home): 1 run, 1 hit ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil sends one out. The neon sign reading 'STEAKS' sputters meaningfully. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Hungover Bob-3000 grounds a single past the shortstop, still glaring at his cousin Bob. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil (looming) settles in over the plate, looming. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Exhausted Bob With A Knife launches one. A Bob in the upper deck stands up and concedes the entire war, briefly. Tall Bob Bob hits one off the wall. The Bobs cheer, then immediately regroup against the cheering Bob. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Mavis the Towering drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Hungover Bob-3000 works the count. A Bob in the stands stands up and announces he is leaving the war. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Greater Bob Bob works the count. A Bob in the stands stands up and announces he is leaving the war. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── A quiet inning. The Bobs of section 12 mutiny against the rest of section 12. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Hungover Bob-3000 steps in. Three Bobs in the on-deck circle accuse each other of treason. Bobs (home): 1 run, 1 hit ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Hilda the Unsmiling makes contact. The ball seems hesitant. Constance of the Veil carves a base hit through the gap. FINAL: Knives 3 — Bobs 5