Outback Knives 10 — 6 Boat Boys
BROADCAST DETAILS
VESPER “Good evening Future Hell~ ♡ Knives at Boats, live from Dad's Dock. I have a good feeling about tonight, which — historically — means run.”
HEX “Don't finish that sentence. It comes true if you finish it.”
HEX “I dreamed about this booth. There was a fifth chair.”
VESPER “There are four chairs, Hex.”
HEX “There are four chairs *now*.”
VESPER “Tonight we're watching Phyllis Looms. “Overtime Edna Jr.,” to the faithful. The walkup alone — Slurm Basement at unsafe volume. — I mean. Come on.”
HEX “The Boats fans are chanting “DO NOT LOOK UP”. The words are older than they know.”
VESPER “Score update, if you can call it that: Knives, 7 to 2. The Boats dugout has gone very quiet. Very, very quiet ♡”
HEX “The score stands 7–4, Knives. The 7th uhoh approaches with intentions. I won't say whose.”
VESPER “An organist has appeared. Nobody hired an organist.”
HEX “Final score 10–6. Knives prevail. Soul of the game: Hilda Edgewise, 6-for-11 with 1 home run. The cards knew. The cards always know. The cards are insufferable.”
VESPER “And our featured soul Phyllis Looms — you saw it here first ♡”
VESPER “That's Hellball for tonight. Goodnight Future Hell~ ♡ Sleep with one ear open.”
HEX “Until the next vision. Goodnight.”
Knives 0 0 6 1 0 0 1 2 0 R 10
Boats 1 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 R 6
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hilda Edgewise | 11 | 6 | 1 | 5 | .545 |
| Hilda the Unsmiling | 6 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Phyllis Looms | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .500 |
| Mavis the Towering | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .500 |
| Beryl the Unsmiling | 6 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .166 |
| Mavis Edgewise | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .200 |
| Florence Drift | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| Constance of the Veil | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Empty Manila Folder Boris | 10 | 4 | 2 | 1 | .400 |
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 4 | 4 | 0 | 2 | .1000 |
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 7 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .285 |
| Hank (The Real Captain) | 7 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .285 |
| Hank (Allegedly Captain) | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| Earl (Captain Emeritus) | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Chuck (Co-Captain) | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Steve (Also Captain) | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Stan (Also Captain) | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Knives @ Boats (Dad's Dock) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Hilda the Unsmiling drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── The umpire shudders. Roy (Captain Emeritus) works a hit. A discussion of knot-tying breaks out at first base. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at Dad's Dock. The boat takes on a little water. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at Dad's Dock. The boat takes on a little water. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── The crowd is no longer a crowd, exactly. Phyllis Looms sails one OVER THE BLOOMIN' ONION. Hilda Edgewise (polite menace) settles into a stance taller than the umpire and singles. Hilda the Unsmiling (incorporeal) carves a hit. The ball is also slightly cut. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Empty Manila Folder Boris singles. The flare goes off, accidentally. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Hilda Edgewise slices one down the line. Constance of the Veil carves a hit. The ball is also slightly cut. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Hank (Allegedly Captain) hits a slow grounder. The Captains nod approvingly at the technique. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Scoreless inning. A flare is almost wasted. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Empty Manila Folder Boris gets ALL of one. The home crowd of dads claps in approving silence. Roy (Captain Emeritus) hits one to the gap. A different Captain explains how he would have hit it harder. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Mavis the Towering singles. The Steakhouse smells more strongly. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Hank (The Real Captain) (Captain) takes a thoughtful swing. Roy (Captain Emeritus) singles. The other Captains weigh in. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Florence Drift makes contact. The ball seems hesitant. Hilda Edgewise floats a line drive past the diving fielder. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Roy (Captain Emeritus) (grilling-adjacent) singles. The flare goes off, accidentally. Wayne (Disputed Captain) bats. Several Captains stand at the rail and grimace knowingly. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms reaches for one and somehow makes contact. Hilda Edgewise swings through the bat and still hits the ball. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Scoreless inning. A flare is almost wasted. ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Mavis Edgewise drives one. The catcher politely notes she could not see Mavis Edgewise swing. ─── bot of the 9th ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) (loud about lawns) hits a long fly past the dock. Several Captains insist they could have caught it. Empty Manila Folder Boris (hum-along) hits a slow grounder. The Captains nod approvingly at the technique. FINAL: Knives 10 — Boats 6