Boat Boys 7 — 6 The Bobs
♡ Bob War flickered back on. Wear something flame-retardant.
BROADCAST DETAILS
RIOT “I RAN HERE. BOATS AT BOBS. THE GAME KNOWS I'M WATCHING.”
AURELIA “For the record, I predicted none of what's about to happen. Put that on my tombstone.”
AURELIA “It's Bob War Reignites. I ran the numbers on what that does to batting averages and then I closed the spreadsheet and took a walk.”
AURELIA “Riot's enthusiasm is not statistically supported.”
RIOT “MY ENTHUSIASM SUPPORTS ITSELF.”
RIOT “FEATURED SOUL: HUNGOVER BOB-3000. “Infield Phantom Still”. that walkup changed me. Cool-Aire compressor feedback remix.”
AURELIA “Word around the league: a Saint Static frequency favorite.”
AURELIA ““LOUDER. LOUDER. NEVER MIND” — that's the Boats crowd, 2nd uhoh. The chant-to-runs correlation remains unproven. They keep chanting. I keep noting it.”
RIOT “ha. HA.”
RIOT “BOATS LEAD 5–3 THROUGH 4. THE CROWD IS SLURMCORE POSSESSED. AS THEY SHOULD BE.”
AURELIA “The crowd is in the bargaining phase.”
RIOT “BOATS LEAD 5–3 THROUGH 6. THE CROWD IS GAMBLING SPIRAL. AS THEY SHOULD BE.”
AURELIA “Future Hell Comedy already has three jokes about this.”
RIOT “AURELIA. GIVE ME A NUMBER.”
AURELIA “Four.”
RIOT “PERFECT. NO NOTES. WHAT'S IT FOR.”
AURELIA “Nothing. You asked for a number.”
AURELIA “Final: Boats 7, Bobs 6. Soul of the game: Hungover Bob-3000, 4-for-4. Books are settling. Some of you are rich. Statistically, most of you are not.”
AURELIA “Books closed. Bets settled. Records archived. Goodnight.”
RIOT “WORTH IT. GOODNIGHT.”
- ⚔ BOB WAR REIGNITES: Small Bob-3000 and Hereditary Bobina swap their Power.
Boats 2 2 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 R 7
Bobs 0 2 0 1 0 0 2 1 0 R 6
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hank (Allegedly Captain) | 6 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .333 |
| Steve (Also Captain) | 6 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Chuck (Co-Captain) | 5 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .400 |
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 4 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Stan (Also Captain) | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| Empty Manila Folder Boris | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .250 |
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Hank (The Real Captain) | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Earl (Captain Emeritus) | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hungover Bob-3000 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 2 | .1000 |
| Exhausted Bob With A Knife | 7 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .285 |
| Tall Bob Bob | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .500 |
| Hereditary Bobina | 2 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .1000 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife | 6 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .166 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .200 |
| Greater Bob Bob | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Reformed Bobstradamus | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Small Bob-3000 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Boats @ Bobs (The Bob Pit) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Hank (Allegedly Captain) pokes a single. A long anecdote about a fishing trip begins on second. Steve (Also Captain) singles, looking up, briefly noticing a cloud. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── Hungover Bob-3000 drives one into the gap. Two Bobs nearly come to blows in the dugout. Bob's Cousin Bob (knife-adjacent) bunts. The Bobs argue for nine straight minutes about what a bunt is. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Hank (Allegedly Captain) swings, makes contact, and immediately criticizes his own follow-through. Chuck (Co-Captain) lines a hit while explaining what a 'starboard' is to nobody in particular. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Hereditary Bobina lashes one down the line. Other Bobs claim partial credit. Exhausted Bob With A Knife singles. Somewhere a Bob is sharpening something. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Stan (Also Captain) works a hit, then yells something about thermostats. Empty Manila Folder Boris pokes a single. A long anecdote about a fishing trip begins on second. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife singles, sneers at a different Bob. Hereditary Bobina (muttering) slaps a hit while another Bob loudly disagrees with the call. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Tall Bob Bob works a long at-bat under pointed Bob scrutiny. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Roy (Captain Emeritus) swings, makes contact, and immediately criticizes his own follow-through. Steve (Also Captain) (knot-untying) singles. The flare goes off, accidentally. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Exhausted Bob With A Knife (uneasy ceasefire) lashes one down the line. Other Bobs claim partial credit. Hungover Bob-3000 (settling scores) fouls one off and points at another Bob. Reasons unclear. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Chuck (Co-Captain) (dad-coded) singles. Two other Captains compare grills. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Hungover Bob-3000 steps in. Three Bobs in the on-deck circle accuse each other of treason. Bobs (home): 1 run, 1 hit ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) (loud about lawns) pokes a single. A long anecdote about a fishing trip begins on second. Boats (away): 1 run, 2 hits ─── bot of the 9th ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. FINAL: Boats 7 — Bobs 6 WEATHER: Bob War Reignites ⚔ BOB WAR REIGNITES: Small Bob-3000 and Hereditary Bobina swap their Power.