Boat Boys 7 — 14 Outback Knives
♡ Onion Mist at the Steakhouse. The Knives smell SHARP.
BROADCAST DETAILS
AURELIA “Tonight's matchup: Boats at Knives. The line has moved four times. It apologized once. I accepted, professionally.”
HEX “I see two outs. I see fire. I see... concession prices. Grim. All of it grim.”
HEX “Onion Mist incoming. I saw this in a bowl of soup on Tuesday. Nobody listened. Nobody ever listens on Tuesdays.”
AURELIA “Hereditary Bobina is the one to model tonight. Street name “The Concourse Ghost”. Pre-plate ritual: A recording of a previous walkup, degraded.”
HEX “The Knives fans are chanting “FROM ABOVE. FROM ABOVE”. The words are older than they know.”
AURELIA “Demographic note on the Knives section: Supporters believe the outcome was already decided, but disagree about by whom. This is considered normal here.”
HEX “12–5, Knives. I saw this score in the steam off my tea. I'd hoped it was the tea being dramatic.”
AURELIA “The trailing bench is rotating through emotional support snacks.”
HEX “Drone camera collision under review. ...I'm going to pretend that wasn't in the dream. It was in the dream.”
HEX “Knives by a landslide, 14–6. Even the spirits have stopped taking notes. One of them left.”
AURELIA “Earlier reading had the crowd booing the moon. Revised reading: worse. Or better. Depends on your position.”
HEX “The cards and I called this matchup weeks ago.”
AURELIA “The books called it months ago. With math.”
HEX “The math you learned from a book. I rest my case.”
AURELIA “That's not— fine. FINE.”
AURELIA “Overheard in the stands just now, and I quote: “Fans believe there are fourteen players on the active roster. The league says nine. Both seem right. Would you like to know more?””
AURELIA “That's a final — 7–14. Soul of the game: Florence Drift, 4-for-6. Everything I predicted was wrong in an instructive way. Good night to the ledger.”
HEX “The Onion Mist was never about the weather, by the way. Sleep well.”
HEX “Tomorrow's game will be worse. Goodnight.”
AURELIA “Filed. Goodnight.”
- 🌫 ONION MIST: Mavis Edgewise (Knives) gains 1 POWER (now 6.6).
Boats 2 1 0 2 0 1 0 1 0 R 7
Knives 5 6 1 1 1 0 0 0 X R 14
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 9 | 3 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Hank (Allegedly Captain) | 5 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .200 |
| Steve (Also Captain) | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Earl (Disputed Captain) | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Stan (Also Captain) | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Earl (Captain Emeritus) | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Florence Drift | 6 | 4 | 0 | 4 | .666 |
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 7 | 3 | 0 | 2 | .428 |
| Constance of the Veil | 5 | 3 | 0 | 2 | .600 |
| Mavis the Towering | 10 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .200 |
| Phyllis Looms | 5 | 2 | 1 | 2 | .400 |
| Hilda Edgewise | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .500 |
| Hilda the Reach | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .500 |
| Mavis Edgewise | 4 | 2 | 1 | 0 | .500 |
| Hilda the Unsmiling | 3 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .666 |
| Beryl the Unsmiling | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Boats @ Knives (The Steakhouse) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) (loud about lawns) (Captain) takes a thoughtful swing. Tepid Soup Karen singles. Two other Captains compare grills. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── The lights dim, brighten, and dim again. Hilda Edgewise (polite menace) takes a long, ghostly swing and singles. Constance of the Veil hovers, then strikes a base hit through the 5-6 hole. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Steve (Also Captain) hits a slow grounder. The Captains nod approvingly at the technique. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Several balls go missing and reappear. Constance of the Veil (looming) drives one past the third baseman. The complimentary side at her seat is now cold. Hilda the Unsmiling (incorporeal) hovers, then strikes a base hit through the 5-6 hole. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Hilda the Unsmiling settles in over the plate, looming. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) (loud about lawns) singles. The other Captains weigh in. Hank (Allegedly Captain) singles. The other Captains weigh in. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms sends a home run into the parking lot. The valet, who is also a ghost, shrugs. Mavis Edgewise (drifting) carves a hit. The ball is also slightly cut. Hilda the Reach sails a hit through the infield without disturbing a single peanut shell. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Florence Drift powers one over the wall. A complimentary side flies into the stands. Mavis Edgewise settles into a stance taller than the umpire and singles. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Tepid Soup Karen (hum-along) hits one to right. The Boat Boys begin a story about a boat. Roy (Captain Emeritus) (grilling-adjacent) hits one to the gap. A different Captain explains how he would have hit it harder. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── A scoreless inning. The bloomin' onion smell intensifies for no reason. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Roy (Captain Emeritus) works a hit, then yells something about thermostats. Tepid Soup Karen pokes a single. A long anecdote about a fishing trip begins on second. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Hilda the Reach carves a base hit through the gap. Constance of the Veil drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Hank (The Real Captain) bats. Several Captains stand at the rail and grimace knowingly. Boats (away): 1 run, 1 hit ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) (loud about lawns) singles. The flare goes off, accidentally. FINAL: Boats 7 — Knives 14 WEATHER: Onion Mist 🌫 ONION MIST: Mavis Edgewise (Knives) gains 1 POWER (now 6.6).