Outback Knives 7 — 5 Boat Boys
♡ Curse weather. One stat is going on a little vacation.
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AURELIA “Knives at Boats. My model says— actually, my model resigned this afternoon. We proceed on vibes, under protest.”
HEX “I see two outs. I see fire. I see... concession prices. Grim. All of it grim.”
AURELIA “Weather desk confirms Curse. Historically that moves the line, and occasionally a roster.”
HEX “Yes. This is the part I saw.”
HEX “The cards and I called this matchup weeks ago.”
AURELIA “The books called it months ago. With math.”
HEX “The math you learned from a book. I rest my case.”
AURELIA “That's not— fine. FINE.”
AURELIA “Scouting note on Stan (Also Captain) — “The Void Closer” to the fans. Walkup routine as follows: Foghorn into smooth jazz. The books adjust accordingly. I don't ask how.”
HEX “Word around the league: quietly feared by opposing organists.”
HEX “The chant tonight is “WHO'S THE CAPTAIN”. Third uhoh of my dream had that exact chant. We're on script, everyone.”
AURELIA “The Boats fanbase, for the record: Crowd volume scales directly with Limp Bizkit soundtrack. I no longer footnote it.”
HEX “One run in it, Knives ahead. The 5th uhoh smells like a hinge. Things turn on hinges.”
HEX “One run in it, Knives ahead. The 7th uhoh smells like a hinge. Things turn on hinges.”
AURELIA “Vendors briefly stopped accepting cash.”
AURELIA “Overheard in the stands just now, and I quote: “A persistent rumor holds that one umpire works for the Golden Chain.””
AURELIA “That's a final — 7–5. Soul of the game: Constance of the Veil, 5-for-8 with 2 home runs. Everything I predicted was wrong in an instructive way. Good night to the ledger.”
HEX “The Curse was never about the weather, by the way. Sleep well.”
HEX “Tomorrow's game will be worse. Goodnight.”
AURELIA “Filed. Goodnight.”
- 💀 CURSE: Earl (Captain Emeritus) loses 1 GLOVE (now 4.4).
Knives 0 1 2 0 1 0 0 3 0 R 7
Boats 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 1 1 R 5
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Constance of the Veil | 8 | 5 | 2 | 3 | .625 |
| Beryl the Unsmiling | 7 | 2 | 1 | 1 | .285 |
| Hilda the Reach | 4 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Mavis Edgewise | 6 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .166 |
| Hank (Allegedly Captain) | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .250 |
| Mavis the Towering | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Hilda Edgewise | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Hilda the Unsmiling | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .500 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Wayne (Disputed Captain) | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| Florence Drift | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .333 |
| Chuck (Co-Captain) | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Hank (The Real Captain) | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Roy (Captain Emeritus) | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Earl (Disputed Captain) | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Stan (Also Captain) | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Knives @ Boats (Dad's Dock) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms is here. Then she's there. Then she's hit a single. Hilda the Reach is here. Then she's there. Then she's hit a single. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── Chuck (Co-Captain) hits a no-doubter. A Captain wipes his eye and pretends he didn't. Constance of the Veil bats. Several Captains stand at the rail and grimace knowingly. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Hilda Edgewise drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Wayne (Disputed Captain) fouls one off, mutters something nautical. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms drives one past the third baseman. The complimentary side at her seat is now cold. Mavis the Towering singles. The Steakhouse smells more strongly. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at Dad's Dock. The boat takes on a little water. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Quiet at Dad's Dock. The Captains argue about who left the rope unsecured. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil swings, makes contact, and immediately criticizes his own follow-through. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Hilda the Reach (incorporeal) settles in over the plate, looming. Hank (Allegedly Captain) slices one down the line. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── The lights dim, brighten, and dim again. Constance of the Veil hits one to the gap. A different Captain explains how he would have hit it harder. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Hilda the Unsmiling hits one so hard the steakhouse smells momentarily of burning. Beryl the Unsmiling (looming) hovers, then strikes a base hit through the 5-6 hole. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at Dad's Dock. The boat takes on a little water. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Quiet at Dad's Dock. The Captains argue about who left the rope unsecured. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Quiet at Dad's Dock. The Captains argue about who left the rope unsecured. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Beryl the Unsmiling launches a knife-aided home run. The ball is also slightly cut. Florence Drift settles into a stance taller than the umpire and singles. Phyllis Looms (looming) drives one. The catcher politely notes she could not see Phyllis Looms swing. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil (looming) lines a hit while explaining what a 'starboard' is to nobody in particular. Boats (home): 1 run, 1 hit ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Mavis Edgewise (drifting) settles into a stance taller than the umpire and singles. ─── bot of the 9th ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil (looming) gets ALL of one. The home crowd of dads claps in approving silence. FINAL: Knives 7 — Boats 5 WEATHER: Curse 💀 CURSE: Earl (Captain Emeritus) loses 1 GLOVE (now 4.4).