The Bobs 12 — 9 Outback Knives
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RIOT “IT'S BOBS VERSUS KNIVES AND I'VE BEEN STANDING SINCE NOON. MY LEGS ARE FINE. STOP ASKING.”
VESPER “Someone check on the bullpen before we start. Actually — don't. Let it happen.”
RIOT “WEATHER REPORT. BLESSING. PLAY CONTINUES BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES.”
VESPER “You know what I love about this booth? The dread. The camaraderie. The little fridge.”
RIOT “THE FRIDGE IS EMPTY.”
VESPER “The dread and the camaraderie, then.”
RIOT “WATCH EMPTY MANILA FOLDER BORIS. THEY CALL THEM “Two-Beer Marvin” AND THE NICKNAME IS EARNED.”
VESPER “Word around the league: respected by Knives ushers, which is rare.”
VESPER “The Knives section is already chanting “STAY. STAY. STAY” as the 2nd uhoh begins. Beautiful. Concerning. Both.”
RIOT “LOOK AT THE KNIVES SECTION. JUST LOOK. Fans take particular pride in ugly wins.”
VESPER “Knives are up 6–2. Through 4. It has stopped being a contest and started being a documentary.”
RIOT “Even the popcorn vendors look tired.”
RIOT “STOP. INCIDENT. BETTING BRIEFLY PAUSED DUE TO ATMOSPHERIC INSTABILITY. OKAY. RESUME.”
VESPER “One-run game, Bobs on top, 6 uhohs in. My nails are gone. The crowd is emotionally invested. We are all doing great.”
RIOT “Vendors briefly stopped accepting cash.”
RIOT “Overheard in the stands just now, and I quote: “Older fans insist the league already knows the ending.””
RIOT “FINAL SCORE. BOBS 12. KNIVES 9. SOUL OF THE GAME: BOB'S COUSIN BOB WITH A KNIFE, 4-FOR-7 WITH 1 HOME RUN. GO HOME. HYDRATE. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAW.”
RIOT “GOODNIGHT FUTURE HELL. same time tomorrow. SAME EVERYTHING TOMORROW.”
VESPER “Goodnight, everyone~ ♡”
- ✨ BLESSING: Hereditary Bobina gains 1 SOUL (now 10.0).
Bobs 0 2 0 0 7 0 1 1 1 R 12
Knives 3 1 2 0 0 2 0 1 0 R 9
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife | 7 | 4 | 1 | 2 | .571 |
| Small Bob-3000 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 3 | .375 |
| Exhausted Bob With A Knife | 4 | 3 | 0 | 2 | .750 |
| Tall Bob Bob | 7 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .285 |
| Hungover Bob-3000 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .400 |
| Hereditary Bobina | 3 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .666 |
| Reformed Bobstradamus | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob | 6 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Greater Bob Bob | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hilda Edgewise | 6 | 3 | 2 | 2 | .500 |
| Hilda the Unsmiling | 6 | 2 | 1 | 1 | .333 |
| Constance of the Veil | 4 | 2 | 1 | 2 | .500 |
| Mavis the Towering | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | .333 |
| Mavis Edgewise | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .333 |
| Beryl the Unsmiling | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hilda the Reach | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Bobs @ Knives (The Steakhouse) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Steakhouse. The Knives go quietly. Somewhere a knife clatters. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── Hilda the Unsmiling sends a home run into the parking lot. The valet, who is also a ghost, shrugs. Florence Drift takes a long, ghostly swing and singles. Constance of the Veil sets the knife down briefly to swing. Another Knife retrieves it. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── The lights dim, brighten, and dim again. Hungover Bob-3000 fouls one off and points at another Bob. Reasons unclear. Exhausted Bob With A Knife steps in. Three Bobs in the on-deck circle accuse each other of treason. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Hilda Edgewise sends one out. The neon sign reading 'STEAKS' sputters meaningfully. Hilda the Unsmiling (incorporeal) takes a long, ghostly swing and singles. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife BLASTS one out of the Bob Pit. The Bobs riot, then unify, then riot again. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Hilda Edgewise hits one so hard the steakhouse smells momentarily of burning. Mavis the Towering makes contact. The ball seems hesitant. Phyllis Looms is here. Then she's there. Then she's hit a single. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── A scoreless inning. The bloomin' onion smell intensifies for no reason. ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── The umpire shudders. Tall Bob Bob lashes one down the line. Other Bobs claim partial credit. Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife (muttering) singles. Somewhere a Bob is sharpening something. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Mavis Edgewise floats a line drive past the diving fielder. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Nothing happens. A complimentary side cools, undisturbed. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms sends a home run into the parking lot. The valet, who is also a ghost, shrugs. Constance of the Veil (looming) is here. Then she's there. Then she's hit a single. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Hereditary Bobina grounds a single past the shortstop, still glaring at his cousin Bob. Bobs (away): 1 run, 1 hit ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── A scoreless inning. The bloomin' onion smell intensifies for no reason. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife (muttering) grounds a single past the shortstop, still glaring at his cousin Bob. Bobs (away): 1 run, 1 hit ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms swings through the bat and still hits the ball. ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Hereditary Bobina lines a single. A neighboring Bob audibly considers a coup. Hungover Bob-3000 (settling scores) bunts. The Bobs argue for nine straight minutes about what a bunt is. Bobs (away): 1 run, 2 hits ─── bot of the 9th ────────────────────────── Phyllis Looms (looming) sets the knife down briefly to swing. Another Knife retrieves it. FINAL: Bobs 12 — Knives 9 WEATHER: Blessing ✨ BLESSING: Hereditary Bobina gains 1 SOUL (now 10.0).