Outback Knives 5 — 6 The Bobs
BROADCAST DETAILS
HEX “I dreamed this game last night. Knives at Bobs. It ends the way you fear.”
AURELIA “Sure. Whatever the opposite of that was, hedge toward it.”
HEX “Herds of Badgers incoming. I saw this in a bowl of soup on Tuesday. Nobody listened. Nobody ever listens on Tuesdays.”
HEX “Reformed Bobstradamus. “The Reset”. I've seen their at-bats before they happen. So has the pitcher, unfortunately for the pitcher.”
AURELIA ““ONE BOB. ALL BOBS” — that's the Bobs crowd, 2nd uhoh. The chant-to-runs correlation remains unproven. They keep chanting. I keep noting it.”
HEX “Yes. This is the part I saw.”
HEX “The Bobs faithful carry a signature aura tonight. Specifically: A vocal minority brings tape recorders, mixtapes fire.”
AURELIA “Bobs 6, Knives 4 after 3. Comfortable margin. 'Comfortable.' I've seen comfortable margins die screaming.”
HEX “Front-row fans have begun thanking the field.”
HEX “An omen crosses the field: Unauthorized fireworks detected near third base. The third card was VERY clear about this.”
HEX “One run in it, Bobs ahead. The 7th uhoh smells like a hinge. Things turn on hinges.”
AURELIA “The mascot has run out of bits.”
AURELIA “For the record, tarot is not a forecasting methodology.”
HEX “For the record, neither is grief, and yet — your spreadsheets.”
HEX “Overheard in the stands just now, and I quote: “Older fans insist the league already knows the ending.””
AURELIA “Bobs close it out, 6–5. Soul of the game: Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife, 3-for-3 with 2 home runs. The closing line was... close. I'll take it. I'll take anything at this point.”
HEX “The Herds of Badgers was never about the weather, by the way. Sleep well.”
HEX “The broadcast ends. The game continues somewhere. It always does. Goodnight.”
AURELIA “Filed. Goodnight.”
- 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Tall Bob Bob can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 2.6).
- 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Mavis the Towering can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 0.9).
Knives 1 1 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 R 5
Bobs 1 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 X R 6
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Florence Drift | 6 | 3 | 1 | 1 | .500 |
| Constance of the Veil | 6 | 2 | 0 | 2 | .333 |
| Hilda Edgewise | 7 | 1 | 1 | 0 | .142 |
| Beryl the Unsmiling | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| Phyllis Looms | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .250 |
| Hilda the Unsmiling | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .1000 |
| Mavis Edgewise | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Mavis the Towering | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Hilda the Reach | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Player | AB | H | HR | RBI | BA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | .1000 |
| Greater Bob Bob | 5 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .400 |
| Hungover Bob-3000 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 1 | .500 |
| Exhausted Bob With A Knife | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 | .200 |
| Tall Bob Bob | 5 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .200 |
| Bob's Cousin Bob | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Reformed Bobstradamus | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
| Small Bob-3000 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .000 |
--- Knives @ Bobs (The Bob Pit) --- ─── top of the 1st ────────────────────────── Hilda the Unsmiling drives one. The catcher politely notes she could not see Hilda the Unsmiling swing. ─── bot of the 1st ────────────────────────── Hungover Bob-3000 (settling scores) singles, sneers at a different Bob. Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife (muttering) swings furiously. The other Bobs heckle. ─── top of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil (looming) drifts up to the plate. The bat hovers. Phyllis Looms takes a long, ghostly swing and singles. ─── bot of the 2nd ────────────────────────── Something is wrong with the air. Exhausted Bob With A Knife hammers a homer. The ceasefire holds for a full thirty seconds. Bob's Cousin Bob With A Knife (muttering) bunts. The Bobs argue for nine straight minutes about what a bunt is. Tall Bob Bob hits a sharp grounder. The ceasefire holds, barely. ─── top of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Florence Drift sets the knife down briefly to swing. Another Knife retrieves it. ─── bot of the 3rd ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── top of the 4th ────────────────────────── Beryl the Unsmiling (looming) hovers, then strikes a base hit through the 5-6 hole. Knives (away): 1 run, 1 hit ─── bot of the 4th ────────────────────────── A quiet inning. The Bobs of section 12 mutiny against the rest of section 12. ─── top of the 5th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── bot of the 5th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── top of the 6th ────────────────────────── Constance of the Veil sails one OVER THE BLOOMIN' ONION. Florence Drift (polite menace) swings through the bat and still hits the ball. ─── bot of the 6th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── top of the 7th ────────────────────────── Three up, three down at The Bob Pit. The Bobs jeer their own. ─── bot of the 7th ────────────────────────── Nothing scored. A Bob in section 4 is denouncing a Bob in section 9. ─── top of the 8th ────────────────────────── Hilda Edgewise launches a knife-aided home run. The ball is also slightly cut. ─── bot of the 8th ────────────────────────── Greater Bob Bob (war-weary) slaps a hit while another Bob loudly disagrees with the call. ─── top of the 9th ────────────────────────── Florence Drift drives one past the third baseman. The complimentary side at her seat is now cold. FINAL: Knives 5 — Bobs 6 WEATHER: Herds of Badgers 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Tall Bob Bob can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 2.6). 🦡 HERDS OF BADGERS: Mavis the Towering can't field through this. −1 GLOVE (now 0.9).